Your Straight Male Friend

What Makes A Real Man?

Am I Real Man?

We recently moved into a new house and there needed to be some work done on it. Nothing big, just putting up blinds, fixing a sink, etc.…. As I mangled the shades and sprayed the kitchen with water, I realized that I am just not good at “man” stuff.  I thought of other things that I don’t do well and for just for fun, wrote them down.  I have come to terms with these things and so now feel there’s no need to hide these facts about myself.


I don’t drive well.

I have to admit, this is one the hardest things I have had to admit. Like most men, I picture myself an amazing driver with the skills of a NASCAR driver. The fact is, I really don’t drive well. I scare people who ride with me and my wife is 100% better at it than I. I am an amazing parallel parker though.


I have no handy skills.

A lot of this is due to my lack of patience, but mostly it’s just that I suck at fixing stuff.  I don’t know how men got stuck with the title of “fix-it person” in the home, but I am a failure in this department.  As I said earlier, I can’t even put up a set of blinds without a fury of cursing and tool tossing.  In fact, every piece of furniture that we have ever gotten at IKEA, my wife has built.


I cry a lot.

If a movie is even remotely sad, the waterworks come out.  I still tear up when I watch the final scene of “The Karate Kid” (Machio, NOT Jayden Smith!) I cry when the movie has a happy ending; I cry whenever an animal dies; Sometimes I just cry for no damn reason at all. If you even mention the movie “Big Fish” I’m a wreck. I think it has gotten worse with age, but the fact is I cry and I don’t care who knows.


I like cooking and decorating.

I don’t think this is so uncommon, but in my house I do all the cooking and have decorated every house we have lived in.  I love home shows, Food Network, and think I have a better queer eye than the guys from that show.  My kitchen is MY kitchen and I only let my wife go in to get me a glass of wine….


Speaking of wine.

I totally prefer wine to beer. I still feel weird ordering wine in a bar, but dammit, it’s what I prefer. I also enjoy adding a splash of 7-Up to mix it up.


I don’t do the family finances.

I don’t pay the bills nor have any idea how our electricity stays on. My wife takes care of all that. I am horrible with money and without my wife doing this stuff we would live in a van down by the river.


I defer all the important decisions to my wife.

Again I am a total dumbass when it comes to most things. Every decision of importance I have made for our family has usually been wrong. Again, my wife gets to wear those pants.


With all those things being said. I still think if you met me you would think I am pretty much a man. The fact is most men are not good at all the traditional roles we are supposed fill. I just think more men need to wear their non-manliness with pride!



Written by

Matty Staudt has been in the radio industry since he was just 16 years old. In addition to Matty’s status as co-founder of, Matty is a professor at The Academy of Art University in San Francisco. He is the former Executive Producer of several popular shows in NYC, DC, and in SF on the “Sarah and No Name Morning Show”. His six – year tenure ended there, and he teamed up with one of his best friends and former co-worker Marcus Osborne to form

9 Comments to “What Makes A Real Man?”

  1. Tova Rasmussen says:

    Makes you think….. Ladies, what do you think a manly man is all about? Men, are you a "real man"?

  2. Matty Staudt says:

    I am finding out the older I get, the less manly I am. Damn.

  3. If your guy isn't handy around the house does it make him less manly?

  4. I think there could easily be a double standard built in here… What about women that do not fulfill "women roles"? I feel like they might get a harder time for not being "womenly"!

  5. I think there could easily be a double standard built in here… What about women that do not fulfill "women roles"? I feel like they might get a harder time for not being "womenly"!

  6. I just saw Big Fish last week, and it was incredibly sad. I'm not going to post online that I cried, but it's unofficially possible that I did. When Sylvie read this she laughed as she also handles many of the duties mentioned here rather than me. I'm glad it's not just me…….thank you Matty.

  7. Tenia Kiser says:

    Imitation is the greatest form of flattery…watch and learn as your wife does all these things, that way the ENTIRE burden isn't on her…she will greatly appreciate it. A REAL MAN IS NOT AFRAID TO LEARN TO DO IT HIMSELF!

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