As a man I can personally attest to men’s particular brand of cluelessness. The countless missed signals contributing to ineffectual attempts at communication by the Adam gender has caused many Eve’s heads to explode. Sure, a gargantuan chunk of couples’ misunderstandings could be avoided with ease if women would…oh I dunno…maybe be more direct. Instead of expecting guys to “just know”, perhaps being a teensy-weensy more literal would be helpful.
Every man would agree with me.
See, guys will happily admit that they do not understand women. Conversely, women tend to believe that they’ve got men all figured out. Which leads to….wait for it….more arguments! Disagreements are bound to occur. If you and your partner don’t have the occasional flare up, one of you is being lied to. But that’s another argument for another day. I’m more concerned with what occurs after the fighting is over.
Once you stop throwing the verbal grenades, how do you get back on track? The art of making up is truly an art and like anything else, it requires commitment and work to achieve maximum efficacy. Unfortunately, getting into the fight is easier than making up. So here are a few things to consider next time you’ve exhausted yourself in conflict with your guy.
Resolution – It’s cliché, but sometimes you accept that the other person IS another person – and you simply agree to disagree. I mean, the greatest thing in the world is the moment where the two of you get it figured out. When the light bulb comes on and you both actually hear what message you’re each attempting to send to the other. It’s vital to do this – when it can be done. But sometimes people simply have divergent perspectives on a particular issue, even after they’ve heard one another. But recognize that a disagreement with you is not generally a judgment of you or an indictment of your relationship. You’re simply different. And that’s okay.
Let It Be Over – Nothing is worse than feeling like your conflict has reached its zenith, only to have it re-ignited by a careless comment or an insensitive assertion. Don’t keep trying to “win” because ultimately no one will. By accepting that the disagreement is not a competition, but a desire to be heard, understood, and respected you will ensure that the door to reconciliation is wide open.
Reconnect – It’s vital to reconnect, I believe, as soon as possible. Some people need “space” after conflict; some need immediate, overt acknowledgement that the fighting is over. That could be in the form of an apology, a hug, or both. But something that clearly says, “I’m done arguing – and I love you.” There are those who can simply separate from the heated disagreement and proceed on with ease. Then there are those who need a deeply intimate experience (make up sex) to feel that reconnection. Whatever method works best for you and your partner, figure it out and act on it as soon as appropriate because the more time that passes between the end of the fight, the more difficult this part of making up will be.
How about you? What tips can you share that have made making up easier in your life?
Follow me on twitter: @smfmarcus